I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
