He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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