I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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