I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Randomize
