I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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