My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
