Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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