it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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