It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize