Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
