The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Randomize
