Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
