we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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