did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
How's work?
Spinning.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
