True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
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