then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
