Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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