I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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