I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Just pee around me
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
