just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
