So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
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