i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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