we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I believe in your delicious
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Randomize
