When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Randomize
