Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
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