He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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