woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
