i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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