I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Randomize
