so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
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