How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
