it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
