They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Nobody cheats on THIS.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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