I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Randomize
