so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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