I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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