Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(586): View more from Michigan

I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up

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(949): View more from California

My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.

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(662): View more from Mississippi

So I fucked that hot french guy last night

(228): View more from Mississippi

You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.

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(508): View more from Massachusetts

I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.

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(541): View more from Oregon

When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.

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(859): View more from Kentucky

So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke

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(925): View more from California

Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.

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(303): View more from Colorado

Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.

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(918): View more from Oklahoma

Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???

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