My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
