I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
