She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
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