I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize