Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize