All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
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