I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
