is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
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