Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
