he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
