someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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