3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Randomize
