Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
