i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Randomize