She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Ketchup is God's man juice
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
40s are totally the cure
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Randomize
