i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
