Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
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