Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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