If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize