please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Randomize
