Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
