our cab driver is having phone sex.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
where are my pants?
in the oven.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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