Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
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