He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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