Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
