dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
ok first of all what the fuck
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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