So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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