If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
