was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Randomize
