You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
