proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I woke up under a house in Key West
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