Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Randomize
