She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
