Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
