Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
